Paul and Yayoi Maloney
sharing the road

In each issue of jstyle we introduce two people who embody the "Japan-Australia" spirit.

text courtesy of Paul Malony

IIn this day and age, when divorce seems easy and couples move in and out of relationships, some may think us unusual. After 36 years of marriage, what has kept us together? In considering the question, we concluded that we don't know. Is it poverty of inertia? For if we had more money we might choose separate lives. But if we could afford to live apart, inertia and indifference would probably keep us together. That, of course, is the negative answer.

On the positive side, there are those various, often subtle, things we have in common. And this is somewhat mysterious. We met in Tokyo in 1969 where I, Paul, was pursuing my interests in Zen and Budo. What was it that induced someone from an old Australian family, with roots in Scotland and Ireland, to live in Japan? All my friends from Sydney had gone to London, where they found fortune and, some, international celebrity. I went to Japan for six months, stayed five years and found only poverty and obscurity. Well, on the outside anyway. My life of the spirit was the richest it had ever been.

When we met, Yayoi was well established in her Tokyo life. A teacher of Ikebana and Tea Ceremony with many interesting friends, both artists and journalists, her future seemed bound in Japanese culture. There was one thing different. Unlike many Japanese, Yayoi is attracted to many European writers. She particularly likes the philosophy of the ancient Roman Seneca. I like the philosophy of Dogen Zenji (13th century founder of the Soto school of Zen Buddhism), and am a keen student of the Shobogenzo (Dogen Zenji's collection of Zen Buddhist fascicles). While we come from different backgrounds, we have in common an interest in exotic thinkers, who themselves have much in common.

For Seneca, the good life is living one's own way, with integrity. The good life does not rely on longevity, but the quality of day-to-day living. That is similar to Dogen's living in the here-and-now: even if one lives for only one day, if it is a good day, that is enough.

These days we live in the Blue Mountains. Here we can enjoy four distinct seasons just as we did in Japan. We are both very busy, me with my work as a senior lecturer in the Faculty of Engineering at the University of Technology, Sydney, my Zen practice and teaching, and Budo. Yayoi is occupied with her Tea Ceremony and maintaining a household and garden. But we both believe in the value of such a way of life. So maybe we are not just lazy. That point may keep us together.

Some people take up Japanese ways, such as Sado and Budo, for fame or money. And that is okay. But for us, we pursue ''our way'' for the sake of ''the way''. And while the entrance is different, the road we have chosen seems to lead to the same place. Lest people think we sound too serious, keep in mind that another "secret" to our long marriage is we don't talk much. Talking leads to differences of opinion and that leads to arguments. Not talking comes easy to us. I do not speak Japanese and Yayoi's English expression is limited. We meet and rest on that silent ground. "Dai Do Mu Mon." (Translated directly as ''The great way has no barrier")